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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29595060">SSA Shawn Spencer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireflykat/pseuds/Fireflykat'>Fireflykat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Anomalies in America [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV), Psych (TV 2006)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Im a terrible human being, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Suicide Attempt, Revelations Spoilers, Revelations rewrite, Running Away, Shawn Spencer Whump, past shawn whump, past spencer whump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:36:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,933</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29595060</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireflykat/pseuds/Fireflykat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The BAU is invited to Santa Barbara, but not everyone is meeting them for the first time</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlton Lassiter/Shawn Spencer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Anomalies in America [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043580</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>SSA Shawn Spencer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: Past bad Stuff</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were standing at the site where the first dead victim was found when he heard the news. “The FBI, Chief? Really? We don’t need to call them in!” Shawn could hear Lassiter arguing with the Chief. </p>
<p>“It’s been 6 weeks Lassiter, the only thing we have figured out is that they are all closeted homosexuals, that’s it. We have two dead, and 6 more raped and one of the 6 in critical condition at the hospital. I asked for help. This is a lot of mayhem for one suspect. We need help.” Chief Vick said, her hands on her hips, not backing down. “They agreed to help us, and will be here in 4 hours.” </p>
<p>Lassiter sighed. “The FBI are incompetent Chief, remember Ewing?” </p>
<p>“We aren’t dealing with the treasury department this time, Detective,” Vick said. Shawn held his breath, hoping beyond hope they didn’t say what he thought they were going to say. “It’s the Behavioral something something. The BAU.” Shawn’s smoothie fell to the floor. </p>
<p>“GUS!!” Shawn exclaimed, “See what you made me do?!” He cried, trying to cover up his moment of shock. </p>
<p>“Spencer! Did you just contaminate the crime scene with your soothie?” Lassiter asked, exasperated. </p>
<p>“Technically, Gus did,” Shawn said smoothly. </p>
<p>“I did not!” Gus countered, “Shawn, don’t try to pin this on me.”</p>
<p>“Gus, don’t be the rotten pineapple in the bunch,” Shawn said with a smile, “Of course it was you, but it’s ok, there wasn’t much left in there anyway. See Lassie-face? Nothing even spilled! It was just the cup that Gus made me drop.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t make you drop anything Shawn, stop saying that.” Gus fumed. </p>
<p>“Whatever,” Lassiter said with a sigh, “Just clean it up and leave. You aren’t on this case.” </p>
<p>“I believe we are, right Chief?” Shawn asked with a charming smile. </p>
<p>“He is right, Lassiter,” Chief Vick said, “We hired them, and Mr Spencer was the one who divined that all the men were closet homosexual.” Shawn looked pleased with himself. </p>
<p>“Fine!” Lassiter bristled, “But does he have to stand in the middle of the crime scene?” </p>
<p>“Would you rather me stand next to you Lassie?” Shawn asked, sideling up to Lassiter and coming up to stand very close to him.” </p>
<p>“Get AWAY from me!” Lassiter pushed Shawn to arms distance, and returned his attention to the case. </p>
<p>“There is nothing here.” Shawn pointed out. “It’s a drop point. You won’t find anything.” Lassiter gave up. </p>
<p>It was true, they had found the victim there, but there was nothing else they found there, there was barely any blood, and they were dressed exactly like the other victims had been, in women’s clothing, from a big box store. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>See, what no one knew, what not even Gus knew, was that while Shawn was away, one of the things he did was get recruited early on to the BAU. He worked there for 3 years, until he had gotten abducted in Georgia with a fellow agent and tortured for two days before their team could find them. He ended up addicted to a strong pain relief drug. And in the few weeks their unit chief had given him to recover, he took off and never looked back. He never even told anyone in his team he was leaving. He felt slightly guilty about that now, but apparently he would be seeing them again soon, and everything would come out.  </p>
<p>Four hours later he tried to make himself scarce when familiar faces entered the precinct, but he heard Lassiter talking about him as they were entering and knew it was up. “Pain-in-the-ass consultant might be around, he was the one who figured out the homosexual angle. He says he is psychic, but I don’t believe him. SPENCER, GET OFF MY DESK!” Shawn noticed how not only Reid but the entire BAU looked up and around, except for one new face he didn’t recognise - although he knew who it probably was. Knowing the jig was up, Shawn walked up to the group. </p>
<p>“Hi, Hotch, Reid, Prentiss, Morgan, JJ, and you are Dave Rossi, right?” JJ threw her arms around him.</p>
<p>“Shawn!!” She exclaimed, wrapping him in a hug. “We were so worried!” </p>
<p>“Sorry…”</p>
<p>Morgan looked frustrated and smacked him upside the head. “Damnit kid! That was my thanks! After everything! What were you thinking?” He pulled the younger man in for a hug also. </p>
<p>Reid grabbed his hand and stared into his eyes, studying him. “Are you ok?” he asked quietly. </p>
<p>Shawn raised an eyebrow. “Are you?” Reid chuckled. “Touche”</p>
<p>Prentiss tugged him away from Reid, “Shawn! We’ve missed you!” </p>
<p>“I’ve missed you guys too. Really.” He said, surprising himself with how much he meant it. </p>
<p>Finally he looked at Hotch, his unit chief, who he knew had been staring at him throughout the interactions with his ex-team. “You know that wasn’t the right way to do that, right?” He said quietly. Shawn nodded and looked down. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry Hotch, but I knew if I did it formally, you guys would have talked me out of it.” He tried to explain. </p>
<p>“Damn right we would have!” Morgan exclaimed. “Gideon left right after you did, but at least he left a damn note. Did you think about what we went through when we realised you were gone?” </p>
<p>“I left enough clues to tell you it was of my own volition.” Shawn justified. “I just, couldn’t. After Hankle, I needed to get away. Away from everything. It may not have been the best move, though, hindsight and all.” Hotch ran a hand through his hair, then they all realised they weren’t alone, and were in fact in the Santa Barbara police precinct. </p>
<p>“Let me get this straight, Spencer, was in the FBI?” Lassiter said slowly. </p>
<p>“Technically I never filed his resignation, he is on unpaid leave,” Hotch said. Then turned to Shawn, “So you are still an SSA, if you want to be.” Shawn shook his head</p>
<p>“I think I will stick with being Head Psychic Consultant for the SBPD, thanks.” He said with a grin. </p>
<p>“Psychic?” Rossi asked, “Aaron, when you told me about him, you didn’t say-” </p>
<p>“Let’s talk later,” Hotch cut him off. “We are here to do a job. We need to get started.” Shawn shot Hotch a grateful smile, and he gave a small one back. </p>
<p>“How’s Henry?” Shawn asked JJ, as he fell into step with the group. </p>
<p>JJ pulled out her phone. “He’s five now, He went for Halloween as Spence, but he really wants to meet you, I’m always telling him stories about ‘Uncle Shawn’.” Shawn smiled down at the little blond boy in a sweater vest and bookbag standing next to Reid. </p>
<p>“Spencer looks ecstatic.” He said. “He has a mini-me.” </p>
<p>“Spence is a great god-father.” She agreed. </p>
<p>Reid fell back to join them as they entered the conference room. “Talking about me behind me?” He asked </p>
<p>“Do you know that is an expression?” Shawn asked with a chuckle. </p>
<p>“That’s an expression?” Reid looked thoughtful. “But you were talking about me, and you were behind me.” </p>
<p>“The expression is” JJ explained, “Talking about someone behind their back.” She smirked. </p>
<p>“I’ve heard it both ways,” Shawn shrugged. The BAU laughed. </p>
<p>“Haven’t heard that phrase in a while.” Prentiss remarked. </p>
<p>Rossi looked around. “Wait, Shawn is where it comes from? I thought that was a Reid thing.” </p>
<p>The Spencers looked at each other. “We’ve heard it both ways,” They said in unison. </p>
<p>Lassiter groaned. “Please, take him away. Maybe I can get some actual work done.”</p>
<p>Juliet looked amused. “Shawn solved how many cases for us last month, Carlton?” </p>
<p>Lassiter pursed his lips and didn’t answer. </p>
<p>Juliet looked around, “Shawn, Where’s Gus? What is he going to say about your past as an FBI agent? Does he know? Does your dad?”</p>
<p>Shawn cringed. The BAU could read what that meant instantly. </p>
<p>“We are here now, so you can’t keep it a secret forever you know.” Morgan said. </p>
<p>“I know,” Shawn sighed. “It’s just, I only recently started getting along with my dad again, and, well, this won’t help.” </p>
<p>“That’s right, you never did talk about your past,” Morgan mused. </p>
<p>Shawn quickly changed the subject. “Gus is at his quote, unquote, real job, pushing drugs to innocent doctors.” He said the quotations and used the finger actions. Juliet rolled her eyes. Reid smirked. </p>
<p>“Besides, who needs him? Morgan can stand in for my black best friend in this episode.” Morgan let out a laugh. </p>
<p>“Sorry Shawn, I don’t enable. You get into enough trouble on your own,” Shawn huffed. “Good to know you are back to your old self though.” </p>
<p>“Fine then, Spencer will have to do.” he took Reid by the arm. </p>
<p>“We can hang out after we finish our work.” Reid said, disentangling himself from Shawn’s grasp. </p>
<p>“You guys are no fun.” Shawn sighed. “Did you guys already do introductions? Detective Carlton Lassiter, Detective Juliet O’Hara, Chief Karen Vick, The BAU, SSAs Aaron Hotchner, Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi, and Dr Spencer Reid.” They all shook hands. </p>
<p>JJ started going through the case files and writing important notes on the white board. </p>
<p>“Morgan, get Garcia on the phone,” Hotch said, going through notes. “Shawn? Any chance of a sighting?”</p>
<p>“The box store is Nordstroms.” Shawn supplied, before anyone could ask. “I don’t think anyone would be stupid enough to by the clothes themselves, but…” He paused for a moment and closed his eyes, putting a finger to his head to concentrate. They all watched him, “The one in town is in an indoor mall. The mall has at least 2 cameras in each hall. Across from it to the east is an H&amp;M, to the south is a Sephora and South East is a Foot Locker, there may be cameras outside the mall also, and at the stores directly across from it. To the north is a Charles Shwab.” </p>
<p>“What are the other stores surrounding the indoor mall?” JJ asked. </p>
<p>Shawn closed his eyes again, “The mall, Paseo Neuvo, takes up two city blocks north to south, The Nordstrom entrance would be on W Canon Perdido St, and Chapala St.” He said. “Across the street North is a Spa and Charles Shwab, to the east there is…” He paused again, pressing two fingers to his temple, “on the northern block there is… Bank of America, Grassini Family VInyards, and Casa De La Guerra. On the southern block is…” </p>
<p>“Ok, Shawn,” Morgan cut in, “We don’t need all the stores in the area. But thanks.” </p>
<p>Shawn opened his eyes, then blushed. “Right. Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it.” Hotch replied, “It’s been a while since we’ve worked together, we forgot how detailed you get.” </p>
<p>“Queen of all things Technology!” A voice on the speakerphone said as a phone was answered. “How may I help you today?” </p>
<p>“Garci?” Shawn said cheerfully, </p>
<p>“OH MY GOD!!” Penelope nearly screamed, “PINEAPPLES???!!! WHAT THE HELL??”</p>
<p>“Shawn,” Morgan placed a sympathetic hand on Shawn’s shoulder, “You have incurred the wrath of Garcia, good luck my man.” </p>
<p>Garcia was still yelling. “N’T BELIEVE YOU JUST UP AND LEFT US WITHOUT ANY WARNING??!! HOW COME NO ONE SAID YOU WERE A FLIGHT RISK?? IF I KNEW I WOULD HAVE COME AND SAT ON YOU! DEREK MORGAN?!! Why did you not call me IMMEDIATELY when you all found the little genius? Our Geniuses can’t be left on their own, either of them. If I wasn’t so happy right now I would KILL YOU SHAWN SPENCER!! For all the pain you put us through the past few years!” Shawn winced, and ran to hide behind Reid. </p>
<p>“Hey, Mama,” Morgan said with a chuckle, “Tone it down would you, we got work to do and the kid looks like he is going to fly again.” Shawn had started inching towards the door. Juliet and Prentiss moved to stand in front of it at the same time. They smiled at each other. Lassiter glared at Shawn. </p>
<p>“Spencer, SIT!” Shawn and Reid both sat where they stood, practically right on top of each other. </p>
<p>Hotch looked at Lassiter, “Shawn, Reid, Please stand up, if you want to sit in one of the chairs, please do so. Detective Lassiter, please refrain from using the name Spencer when Shawn is around.” Lassiter grumbled, but they continued working. </p>
<p>Eventually they decided to quit for the night and go get dinner. “Hey Shawn, why don’t you come get something to eat with us.” Emily said, grabbing her coat. “The old team and new team.” </p>
<p>“Sounds fun.” He said. “Should I meet you there?”</p>
<p>“You still have that thing?” Reid asked trepidatiously. </p>
<p>“Of course, how do you think I got home?” Shawn preened. “Hey Jayj, Em, either of you want a ride?” </p>
<p>“Sure, why not.” Emily said, “I am wearing a leather jacket tonight anyway.” Shawn threw her his helmet. </p>
<p>“See you tomorrow Jules, Lassie,” Shawn exclaimed as he followed the team out the door. He paused for a moment then ran back inside and gave Lassiter a kiss. “I’ll be home later, ok, I just want to go catch up with everyone.” </p>
<p>Lassiter pulled him in tight and kissed him again. “Ok fine, but we are going to talk about your time there and why you left, ok?” Shawn rolled his eyes and gave him another peck as Emily popped her head back into the precinct. </p>
<p>“Shawn?” She asked, then spotted them and gave a small smile. “Oh, take your time.” </p>
<p>“Coming Em,” Shawn said as he flounced down the stairs. </p>
<p>“Be careful on that death trap!” Lassiter called. Shawn gave him a thumbs up in answer. </p>
<p>“Lassiter?” She asked with a raised brow. </p>
<p>“He’s sweet below that gruff exterior, the station stuff is for show... sometimes.” Shawn said as they got on the bike. “Ok, hold on!”</p>
<p>Fifteen accident free minutes later the 7 of them were gathered around a large round table in a chinese restaurant. Once the orders were in, Rossi turned to Shawn, “You aren’t Psychic, what you did in there was memory recall.” Shawn nodded. </p>
<p>“I am hyper perceptive and have perfect recall.” Shawn said with a shrug. “I can see everything I need to at a crime scene in the first 30 seconds in each room.” </p>
<p>“Shawn’s like me, he has an eidetic memory.” Reid said. “But he uses his differently.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, I never skipped grades or went to college.” Shawn explained. “Reid is the smart one, I’m just -” </p>
<p>“Pretending to be an idiot?” Morgan cut in. </p>
<p>“Also a genius?” JJ added with a smirk</p>
<p>“Able to make accurate profiling conclusions faster than anyone on the team?” Prentiss continued. </p>
<p>“So why does the department think you are a psychic?” Hotch asked. </p>
<p>“I kept calling in tips to the precinct, when one day, they ask to see me.” Shawn started to explain, “Lassie seemed to think I had inside information about the robbery they had been working, because I knew the manager did it. But really, it was all over his face, any one of you would have seen it. He was sweaty, fidgety, hands were shaking, and his alibi was basically non existent.” The rest of the team nodded in agreement of Shawn’s assessment. “Apparently the manager had an accomplice, so they started looking at me, but I had called in dozens of tips, which they thought was fishy. Especially when I said that I figured it out by watching the news. I guess Lassie didn’t like being showed up by a civilian.”</p>
<p>“But, you aren’t a civilian.” Morgan put in. “You are an SSA,” their food arrived and they started to eat. </p>
<p>“Yeah, but he wasn’t going to believe that, and I handed in my badge and gun. Or rather, I left them when I took off. So essentially, I was a civilian. Lassie seemed determined to pin this on me. So when his partner gave me an out, ‘Just give us a reason, ANY reason you know these things,’ I thought of the officer on the desk that day who had a bunch of new age crystals and stuff on her desk, so I said I was psychic, and directed them to stuff I observed around the precinct. I was just going to get my money and be done, but then the Chief, who was Intern then.”</p>
<p>“I think you mean interem” Emily put in. </p>
<p>Shawn shrugged. “I’ve heard it both ways.” they all chuckled. “She called me into her office and told me about this high profile kidnapping case that they had been put on and needed to close quickly. And said that they needed a miracle, or ‘the fax a mile of one’” </p>
<p>Rossi furrowed his brows. “Do you mean facsimile? And I am pretty sure you have not heard it both ways.” he said before Shawn could speak. Shawn gave him a wide smile, a mischievous glint in his eye. </p>
<p>“She also said that if she found out I wasn’t what I claimed to be, she would prosecute to the full extent of the law.” Shawn said slightly sad. “But that was a few years ago. I have closed a lot of cases for them now, I don’t honestly think she believe I’m Psychic, but, until she hears it from me that I’m not, she won’t be forced to do anything about it. I also don’t really think she cares as long as cases are closed and stay closed and the process to do so stays on this side of the law.”</p>
<p>Hotch thought about it for a minute. “That’s fair.”</p>
<p>“So if anyone asks if I was psychic while I was with you guys,” Shawn added, “I’m not expecting you to lie, but please don’t flat out deny it. Lassie has been wanting to put me in cuffs for years” </p>
<p>JJ sent him her own mischievous look, “Shawn, are you sure arresting you is the reason he wants you in cuffs?” Shawn turned red and gave her a ‘how did you know?’ look. Prentiss giggled. The men didn’t seem to know what had happened. </p>
<p>“So what happened to make you leave?” Rossi asked. Shawn looked at Reid. </p>
<p>“Has no one told you about the Henkle case?” Shawn asked hesitantly. </p>
<p>“Of course they did, no one went into details though.” Rossi looked around the table. </p>
<p>Shawn shifted uncomfortably. “Both Reid and I were grabbed that night. He put us in different rooms, so we couldn’t see what happened to the other, but I could hear everything that he did to Reid.” </p>
<p>“And I could hear what he did to Shawn.” Reid supplied. </p>
<p>“But sometimes Tobias would drug one of us, and his father would take advantage of that time  because then we wouldn’t know something was happening to the other, no one would know when the cameras were off.” Shawn added. </p>
<p>Reid turned to him. “That never happened to me.” He said slowly. “He only ever tortured me when the cameras were on.” </p>
<p>All eyes flicked to Shawn who couldn’t meet anyone’s eyes. He couldn’t tell them. It was too horrible. He looked at his watch, “Crap, is that the time? I gotta go,” he threw some money down on the table and ran out the door, not even bothering to take his bike. </p>
<p>“He doesn’t seem to like to face himself,” Rossi said, as they all watched his hunched form running towards the beach. “Face his own trauma?”</p>
<p>“Who does?” Hotch asked, they all agreed. </p>
<p>Reid looked like he was thinking hard, “Oh, my god!” he gasped. Everyone turned to him. “I think I know what happened.” He said finally. “I have to find him.” Reid pulled out some money and added it to Shawn’s before running after his friend. </p>
<p>The five remaining FBI agents looked around at each other. “So nice catching up with old friends, isn’t it?” Prentiss said, trying to bring Shawn’s usual glibness to lighten the air. Something in the atmosphere broke, and they all continued to eat and talk until a message came in from Reid</p>
<p>To: JJ - Go on without me, I will stay with Shawn tonight. </p>
<p>“Someone should tell Lassiter that Shawn ran off.” Emily said finally, as they were settling the bill. </p>
<p>“Why?” Morgan asked, looking nonplussed. </p>
<p>“Well, Lassiter is expecting him back this evening, isn’t he?” Emily asked. JJ smirked. </p>
<p>“Thought so, Lassiter is Shawn’s type.” She said smugly </p>
<p>“Shawn is gay?” Morgan asked purplexed. </p>
<p>“You didn’t know that?” Rossi looked confused </p>
<p>“Does it matter?” Hotch replied. “No, Shawn isn’t gay, he is bi, and I knew from the beginning, he asked me if he should tell everyone or try to hide it. I told him to just be himself, he didn’t need to outright say anything, but he also didn’t need to change how he acted. So that’s what he seemed to do.” Hotch looked at Morgan. “Honestly, Morgan, I’m slightly surprised you didn’t pick up on it. He was always flirting with you.” </p>
<p>“He also flirted with JJ and Prentiss and Garcia, and he flirts with Reid. I just thought he acted that way with everyone.” Morgan defended. </p>
<p>“He never acted that way to me,” Hotch said. </p>
<p>“I don’t think Shawn was seriously flirting with any one of us. He acts differently with Lassiter.” Emily mused. </p>
<p>“That could be.” Rossi said. “General flirting vs specifically pointed flirting with a purpose.” </p>
<p>“Does Spence know that Shawn is going back to Lassiter’s?” JJ asked. </p>
<p>“I doubt it, but I am sure they have somewhere for Reid to sleep.” Emily said. “Anyone have Lassiter’s number?” </p>
<p>“I have Chief Vick’s number,” JJ said, “She will have Lassiter’s” </p>
<p>“Let’s head back to the rooms, then we can get him down to pick up Shawn,” Hotch said. They agreed and all piled into the two SUVs and headed to the Hotel. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Spencer ran to catch up with Shawn, after 20 minutes of searching he found the other man sitting, his hands pulling his knees to his chest, the water mid chest level and getting higher. A wave washed over him as he sat, staring into the distance, not seeing, or hearing anything around him. “Shawn! Shawn!!” Spencer gasped as he splashed towards the psychic. Shawn didn’t turn around, or even move until Spencer grabbed his wet arm, then he flinched violently, and fell over sideways. Spencer could see something that looked alot like tear tracks down his friends face before it was submerged in water and they vanished. Spencer pulled on Shawn’s arm once more and managed to get him up, pulling him out of the water and pulled his arm over his shoulders. He staggered under their combined weight until they were halfway up the dry beach then collapsed with Shawn underneath him. He sat up quickly and pulled Shawn into a sitting position. He looked the man dead in the face and saw a distant look in his eyes. Rolling up his sleeves, he was relieved to find no new track marks present, so he sat next to the man again and stroked his hair. </p>
<p>“I think I know what happened with Henkle, Shawn.” Spencer said quietly. “He found out, right? Your orientation. And punished you for it.” Shawn closed his eyes tightly and dropped his head to his knees, stifling a sob in his chest. “That’s why he did it while no one could hear. He punished it sexually? Did he sexually assault you? While I was in the next room high on Dilaudid?” Shawn gave the smallest of nods. “How many times?” Spencer asked. Shawn shook his head. He didn’t want to say. “How many?” </p>
<p>“Everytime he turned the camera off, or right before he turned it back on.” Shawn said softly. “And every time he would give you a dose.” </p>
<p>“Why didn’t you say anything to anyone?” Spencer asked quietly. Shawn shrugged. “You just decided to leave?” </p>
<p>Shawn nodded. “Get sober, leave, forget. Unfortunately forgetting wasn’t bound to happen, it just took something worse to push it down. Getting sober was hard. But by the time I finally returned to Santa Barbara I was clean.” </p>
<p>“Something happened on your way home.” Spencer stated. “How long did it take?” </p>
<p>“Six months? Nine? I lost count.” Shawn lied. Spencer raised a brow. Shawn wasn’t looking at him. Spencer dropped it. </p>
<p>“What happened on your way home?” Spencer asked. </p>
<p>Shawn shrugged “Drug dens aren’t the nicest place to stay. High people often don’t know what they are doing, who they are doing…” Shawn trailed off. “Started trading myself for drugs eventually. Narrowly escaped being sold into a human trafficking ring. That’s when I decided I needed to stop, for good. So I left where I was staying and moved to a different city. It was harder than I thought it would be to stop though, I got tricked into being the main event for a party of more than three people four different times, each time someone would make me take something. Coke, heroin, meth, etc. Uppers, downers, sometimes together.” Shawn sighed. “I was 25, a whore, and drug addict, my fathers prediction had come true.” He started scratching roughly at his forearms. “All I could hear each day was my father’s voice telling me how worthless I was, how disgusting, how vile. How Spencers don’t get themselves captured and raped by psychopathic killers. Spencers don’t get drugged without their permission and gangraped, Spencers don’t run away, Spencers don’t become Feds, SPENCERS AREN’T FAGS SHAWN!!” tears were running down his face and Shawn was hitting his head with bloody fingers, pulling at his hair. Two arms pulled Shawn into a large chest from the other side. </p>
<p>“Hey, hey, shhh,” Lassiter as he gently placed his hands on Shawn’s and pulled them away from his head. “Come here,”  Shawn pulled himself away from Lassiter’s embrace and folded in on himself. </p>
<p>“I can’t!” Shawn gasped around the tears. “...You can’t! Not now… Filthy, ugly, dirty…”  Lassiter looked at Spencer, who didn’t seem to question why he was there. </p>
<p>“Agent Hotchner called me and said you ran off during dinner.” Lassiter said. “What happened?”</p>
<p>“They started asking Shawn about why he left.” Spencer supplied. “Which was tied to his last case with us. It didn’t go very well.” </p>
<p>“No shit.” Lassiter looked furious. “Shawn is nearly hyperventilating. And why is he wet?” </p>
<p>“I pulled him out of the water. He was sitting in the surf, letting the water splash over him.” Spencer explained. </p>
<p>Lassiter put a hand to his face. “Shawn, my love, please tell me, what happened that made you so upset? What doesn’t the rest of the team know?” Shawn didn’t say anything. His breathing had slowed, but he was once more just staring into the distance. </p>
<p>“We were working a series of double homicides in Georgia.” Spencer started. “The Unsub would call the police to tell them that the murders would occur and recite a line of scripture saying what they were being punished for.” Lassiter grimaced. He had heard about those murders. “We started under the assumption that it was two killers, a dominant and submissive personality. As we walked through the houses Shawn noticed - uh, saw - that all of the houses were being watched using strategically placed cameras, cameras that were not immediately noticeable. But Shawn saw them on the first pass through the first house, so he told Garcia to check websites and streams for live footage, which we found. Anyway, we were led to a tech analyst for an interview, Henkle. JJ, Shawn and I all went to go visit him. We noticed the tech stuff and split up to look around. As Shawn and I went around back he said that he was getting a strange sensation that something bad was going to happen, we both pulled our guns, but were attacked from behind. They got him first because he was behind me, then got me seconds later.” Lassiter watched Shawn as he listened to the story. “When I woke up I found myself in an unfamiliar location without him. I heard a crash and a grunt and realised he was on the opposite side of a thin wall. I could hear a deep voice asking, ‘Do you know what your sin is?’ Shawn, being Shawn, tried to make light of the predicament.” Lassiter smirked. “He said ‘I have so many, why would I want to choose just one?’” </p>
<p>“That sounds like Shawn.” Lassiter agreed. </p>
<p>“The voice went on. ‘Do you know what the punishment is for homosexuality is?’ Shawn tried to keep up his facade, but I could hear it failing. ‘If I knew I wouldn’t be here, would I?’ ‘So you agree that you are a homosexual?’ ‘I agree that I like men, but I also like women, I like everyone.’ Shawn told his torturer. ‘Homosexuals are not right, they are not natural in the lord’s eyes, you must burn.’ Shawn kept trying to make everything a joke. I was sure he was trying to delay things, or keep the attention on him, so the man wouldn’t get to me. ‘Burn with what? Passion? Envy? Longing? Jealousy? Anger? I think you might be burning with a little righteous fury right about now, huh Joseph?’ Joseph Henkle was Tobias’s father. Chains cranked and suddenly Shawn was panicky. ‘Stop, Stop it! Don’t do that! No, please!’ I screamed his name and heard him yell my name back. He was telling me to stop, that he could take it. And he addressed the man again. ‘No, don’t go to him,’ he pleaded, ‘Me, take me, do it to me, he will break, he is too fragile. Just do that to me.’ I had no idea what Shawn meant, and felt slightly offended. Especially since a little while later the man, Joseph, came over and did do awful things to me.” </p>
<p>“I convinced him to save certain things for me though.” Shawn said quietly. “Spence, you wouldn’t have been the same after.” </p>
<p>“Shawn, what were you thinking?” Lassiter asked, “Rushing in like that, protecting an agent, have you forgotten that you are a civilian?” </p>
<p>“Now I am.” Shawn looked Lassiter squarely in the eyes, “Have you forgotten that Spence is my ex-teammate, meaning we were of equal status? I was SSA Shawn Spencer for 4 years. Protecting civilians, LEOs and my fellow teammates is part of my job…. Was… was part of my job.” </p>
<p>“He was going to do that to me too?” Spencer asked softly. “He could tell?” Shawn nodded slightly. “Why didn’t you say anything? Does Hotch know?” Shawn shook his head. “But the full body exam after we were rescued.” Shawn stared at him. </p>
<p>“You looked worse on the outside. You moved worse. It was clear you had worse injuries. They took a look at me in the bus and recommended I go to the hospital which I declined. I am very good at faking things.” Shawn gave a radiant smile for a moment. Then dropped it. He turned to Lassiter. “Lassie, can we go home?” </p>
<p>“Of Course, Shawn.” Lassiter said, getting up and pulling Shawn to his feet. “Where’s your bike?” He asked. </p>
<p>“At the restaurant.” Shawn said without emotion. </p>
<p>“Spencer, uh, Reid,” Reid looked around, getting up also, “Do you need a ride to the hotel? Or do you want to stay over tonight? We have an extra room. Shawn might like the company.” Shawn held his hand out for Reid to take. </p>
<p>“If you don’t mind me staying over, that would be nice.” Spencer said, taking Shawn’s hand as Lassiter held Shawn by the waist and kissed his forehead. </p>
<p>When they got back to Lassiter’s house, Lassiter gave a pair of pants and sleeping shirt to Reid and directed him to the spare room and bathroom. Reid gratefully took the clothes and slipped into the bathroom. </p>
<p>Carlton took Shawn by the hand and pulled him into their room, once their door was closed he started taking off Shawn’s wet clothes one by one as they moved towards the bathroom. Carlton pulled off Shawn’s shirt and let his fingers brush the side of his face, a thumb caressing skin around the green eyes, puffy from crying. Shawn leaned into the touch, Lassiter turning his hand so he was cupping Shawn’s cheek and pressing his lips tenderly to his lovers. Shawn responded wholeheartedly to the kiss, pressing back against Carlton so that they were fighting for control. Carlton traced a tongue along Shawn’s lips and they opened, letting Carlton’s tongue slip inside and explore and caress all the sensitive spots he knew were in Shawn’s mouth. Shawn shivered as large hands moved downward towards his jeans, unbuttoning them deftly and fighting with the wet fabric to get them off of Shawn’s skin. Shawn’s hands were shaking but also attempting to undress Carlton at the same time. They were still locked together by their heated kiss, hands were wandering up and down each other's bodies as clothes were shed and the water turned on. The kiss broke when neither of them could breathe, they stood, panting, in each other's arms, as the water warmed up. Shawn got in the shower first, Carlton right behind him, and they started the chaste shower. As they both faced the spray of the water, Carlton placed his chin on Shawn’s shoulder and pulled him in close. “Shawn, do you know how worried I was when Agent Hotchner called me this evening?” he said quietly into Shawn’s ear, as he kissed the wet and soapy neck. “I thought my heart was going to stop.” Shawn turned and wrapped his arms around the detective’s waist. They were similar in height, but Carlton was a few inches taller than him. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Lassie-love, Carlton,” He kissed Carlton’s neck up to his ear. Carlton let his hands wander downward toward’s his partner’s round rump, he slipped a finger between the cheeks and pressed it into the opening. Shawn jumped and blushed. He put a hand on Lassiter’s “Can we not, right now? Please?” Shawn asked, worry in his eyes. “I mean, unless you really want to, then of course -” Lassiter quieted him with a kiss. </p>
<p>“If you don’t want to, I won’t force you.” Carlton said gently. “I don’t want to make you do anything you are uncomfortable doing.” Shawn smiled. “Do you want to do the front?” he asked reaching down between them noticing a minute later that Shawn was on his knees</p>
<p>“Why don’t I use my mouth?” Shawn asked. Looking up expectantly for confirmation. Carlton looked down at Shawn’s naked body, realising what was off right away. </p>
<p>“You aren’t hard.” Carlton said quietly. Shawn looked away, sitting on his legs and putting his hands on his lap to cover himself. Carlton bent down and moved the hands revealing the flaccid penis. “Shawn,” He said the name softly. “What’s wrong?” Shawn pulled his hands out of Carlton’s grasp and started scratching at his arms again. “Stop it!” Carlton said, firmly grabbing Shawn’s lower forearms and holding them together with one hand. “Shawn, talk to me!” Shawn jumped up and ran out of the bathroom, Carlton shut off the water, grabbed towels and ran after him. He wrapped one towel around his waist, and set the other one on the bed. Pulling open drawers and grabbing two sets of clothes as he called for Shawn. He pulled a shirt on and Pajama pants on as he searched the room, he heard the bathroom door close and lock behind him. </p>
<p>“Damnit Shawn!” Carlton banged on the door. “Open this door! I just want you to talk to me! What is so hard about that?” </p>
<p>“Male victims of sexual assault are 75% less likely to report it, or admit it, even to those around them.” Spencer said from the doorway. “They believe it makes them dirty or unclean and any partners they have will leave or not love them anymore.” Lassiter stared at Spencer. </p>
<p>“What are you saying, Dr Reid?” Lassiter asked, “That Shawn was… No, Shawn couldn’t have been. He would have said something earlier. I would have known. Was he ra…ra” Carlton couldn’t say the word. </p>
<p>Shawn opened the door, letting it slam against the wall, “Yes Carlton, congru-fucking-lations, you got it. I was raped. Henkle raped me, more than once. He raped me 7 times in those two days. And got me addicted to drugs. So I ran. I ran west. And got raped some more, I was nearly sold into a human trafficking ring, they really liked me too, all 8 of them, needed to try me out. I got drugs as my reward. People would invite me to parties, gangrape me and force drugs into me. I got out though. I tried to anyway. I traveled the country for a whole year being drugged and fucked in every state in the continental United States. I have a good memory. I told you I didn’t remember Spencer? I fucking lied. I remember every single one of the 413 days between leaving the BAU and arriving in Santa Barbara. 376 were a living hell. I finally got clean. Got out. Got tested. Came back. Put the past behind me. Why the hell did you guys have to come back and bring it all back up again??!” Shawn finally started sobbing and sank to the floor. “I love you all, I really do, but Spence, I just feel so guilty around you, I can’t help it. I feel so unclean, I just see us back in that shack, and I keep pleading with him not to hurt you, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry he hurt you!”  </p>
<p>Spencer wrapped Shawn into a hug, and held him against his chest. “It’s ok, Shawn. I’m ok. See?” He indicated his foot. “My foot healed just fine. We were all more worried about you, We knew he did something to you.” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry for leaving,” Shawn sniffed. “I just needed to be away from everything. I didn’t know it would turn into the year from hell.”</p>
<p>“You should have called one of us.” Spencer said, “We all would have been there in an instant.” </p>
<p>Shawn shrugged. “I left my phone at the apartment, with my gun and badge. I did call in a few tips to cops in towns I was in though, and called the FBI about the human trafficking ring.” </p>
<p>“I heard they took down a huge ring a few years back.” Spencer said, ruffling Shawn’s hair. “That was you? Nice work!” they pulled apart</p>
<p>“Not that hard once you nearly end up in it.” Shawn shrugged again. </p>
<p>“Getting out is pretty impressive.” Carlton put in. “It couldn’t have been easy.” </p>
<p>“Handcuffs.” Shawn looked pointedly at Carlton’s bedside table. “They used police handcuffs. Easy to break out of. I just needed to wait until the right time.” </p>
<p>Shawn yawned. He looked hesitantly at Carlton. “I’m disgusting.” He said, “Unlovable, filthy, a whore, drug addict… I won’t blame you if you ask me to leave and never darken your doorstep again. I will leave Santa Barbara.” He made for the door, still clad only in a towel. </p>
<p>“Shawn!” Carlton grabbed Shawn by the arm, “Wait, stop making assumptions.” Shawn looked at him, still unsure at how to gauge his reaction. Carlton gathered Shawn up in a hug. “I don’t care about your past Shawn, its past. Leave it there.” Carlton felt all of the muscles he was holding relax slowly until Shawn was resting his head sleepily on Carlton’s shoulder. “Bed,” He said authoritatively. “Get your night clothes on and get into bed.” Shawn nodded and took the clothing and disappeared into the bathroom, reappearing a moment later fully clothed. Carlton tucked him into bed and Shawn was asleep instantly. </p>
<p>“Why was Shawn so concerned about his father?” Spencer asked. “He didn’t want to tell his father that he worked with us, then at the beach he rambled on about what his father would say, about Spencers, Spencers don’t do this, Spencer’s don’t do that.”</p>
<p>Lassiter led the agent into the living room. “Did you ever wonder why Shawn’s memory is the way it is? Why he is so observant?”</p>
<p>“So you know he isn’t psychic?” Spencer asked. </p>
<p>“Of course I know,” Lassiter snorted. “I never believed he was in the first place. He told me how he does what he does when we started dating. He also explained how most of it was due to Henry, His father.” </p>
<p>“Why?” Spencer asked, “What does his father have to do with it?”</p>
<p>“Apparently Henry figured out really early on that Shawn had a good memory, and was really smart, but he could never behave, Shawn said that he was always too bored in class to pay attention and never felt like doing the homework. But he always aced all the tests. All his teachers would think he cheated because he never did any work but he got all the answers to the tests right, when really he just had an eidetic memory and never needed to study.” Lassiter explained. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Spencer said with sympathy, “I have that too. Only, I was able to skip grades, so I graduated high school at 12.” Lassiter looked impressed. </p>
<p>“Basically, nothing challenged Shawn, but he liked puzzles, His father started training him from a young age to study and observe, draw conclusions and basically be a police officer. Henry was an old school police officer and detective, didn’t like consultants, hated psychics, and really didn’t like Feds. When he found out Shawn became a Psychic consultant he told Shawn that ‘there were two things we hated more than anything when I was on the force, Psychics, and Consultants, Congratulations kid, you hit the disappointment motherload.’” </p>
<p>“Ouch.” Spencer winced. </p>
<p>“My understanding is that Shawn never got on too well with his dad, ran away from home at 18 and didn’t come back for 8 years or so, Henry and Shawn’s mom split when he was in High School, and she took off to see the world and do her work. I don’t think he sees much of her anymore. So Shawn was basically in police training from the age of 5. Which is why he probably uses his memory differently than you do yours. Because he was trained to. Have you ever watched him when he first enters a room or crime scene?” </p>
<p>“I never really noticed,” Spencer admitted. </p>
<p>“It’s interesting,” Carlton confessed. “His eyes dart everywhere at once. It takes him thirty seconds. Then thanks to his perfect recall, he can remember the slightest detail, days or weeks later.” Spencer thought for a minute. </p>
<p>“Does Henry know about you and Shawn?” He asked suddenly. </p>
<p>“No,” Carlton said, “Why?” </p>
<p>“I think that might have something to do with why he ran when he was 18.” Spencer noted. “He said something like ‘Spencers aren’t fags, Shawn,’ Which is far too pointed a statement to make unless someone actually said it to him.” </p>
<p>Lassiter glanced towards the door, face going red with fury. “Henry said that?” He ran a hand through his hair. “No wonder he won’t bring me to meet him as his partner.” He mumbled. He looked at his watch. It was nearly 1 in the morning. “Sorry for keeping you up, we should probably go to sleep, it’s late, and we have a case, thanks for filling me in.”</p>
<p>Spencer gave him a smile. “Same, and take care of him for us. We all still care about him alot, you know.” </p>
<p>“I will tell him to get back in touch with you.” Carlton said. </p>
<p>“Don’t worry about that,” Spencer smirked, “I’m guessing Garcia has already found his new number and sent it around to all of us, and texted him a dozen times.” </p>
<p>“Your technical analyst?” Carlton asked</p>
<p>“She can be a bit of a busy body,” Spencer confirmed with a nod. “She considers herself an ethical hacker, or she used to be. Now she just uses that skill for the BAU, and on those she cares about. As you probably figured out this afternoon, Shawn is one of those that she cares about.” </p>
<p>“Nice to know someone else is watching out for him.” Carlton said with a smirk. “He certainly doesn’t do it himself.”</p>
<p>“That’s for sure,” Spencer agreed. “Just dives right into things, doesn’t he?”</p>
<p>“He did that as an agent too?” Carlton asked, “I thought he would have had more restrictions.”</p>
<p>“He did,” Spencer rolled his eyes, “He always seemed to find some way to get by them in a legal way. He knows the law well enough to know how to not break it and still get what he wants. Completely Lawful Evil. Does what he wants but does it by the book. Hotch could never find anything to call him out on. It frustrated him to no end. And Shawn knew it too. And played into it. But it helped cases. He would only do that to figure out a piece of the puzzle he was missing.” </p>
<p>“How many times was he held hostage?” Lassiter asked.</p>
<p>Spencer thought. “About a dozen, I think. If you don’t count Georgia. But that was only during my tenure, Shawn was there when I joined. Then he left three years later. Morgan said they originally met him when they were working a case in south Chicago. He told Shawn to meet Gideon who was impressed by him, so he was recruited. No college needed, he did the obstacle course in no time flat and he had perfect marks on his marksmanship test, and refused any training or practice. I don’t think he ever fired a shot while we were in the field.” </p>
<p>Lassiter looked smug at the marksmanship grade. He knew Shawn was a good shot. It came as a surprise to him the first time Shawn showed him, he had thought it was just luck. But after a few more rounds, he realised, Shawn was just that good. He also knew that Shawn hated hurting living things, animals, humans, even plants. It was one of the reasons he didn’t like going fishing with Carlton. He felt bad for bait! Of course he wouldn’t be able to hurt an actual fish. Shawn didn’t appreciate when Henry taught him how to fillet a fish, Carlton knew. Henry raised Shawn as if Shawn was going to be a better version of himself. Which made Shawn try to rebel against everything Henry tried to teach him, and Henry try that much harder to force Shawn in line. </p>
<p>“Good Night Reid,” Carlton said again. “I put your clothes through the wash and they are in the dryer now. They should be dry in the morning for you.” </p>
<p>“Thanks Lassiter,” Spencer said, heading off to the guest room, “Good night.”</p>
<p>Carlton entered the bedroom and picked up the clothing they had tossed about earlier, throwing it all in the laundry basket, he hung up the towels to dry and finally slid under the covers with Shawn. He looked into his partner’s sleeping face and could see deep frown lines across his forehead. Carlton rolled to his side and pulled Shawn in close. Seeming to sense the warmth, Shawn snuggled close, nestling his head into the crook between Carlton’s shoulder and neck, Carlton smiled, carding his hand through Shawn’s hair, tangling his legs through the others, and kissed the younger man’s temple. “I love you Shawn.” He said softly, wrapping an arm around his waist, settling his nose into the familiar scent of Shawn’s pineapple shampoo, and falling asleep comfortably with his lover in his arms. </p>
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